Stand Fall Repeat
by ceasare
Summary: A month after becoming twelve, on the tenth of November, Naruto lost a man he considered a brother. He unintentionally leaked village secrets to a traitor, and lost an arm. For years, he wouldn't know which of the three was the worst. [AU]


**A.N**

I decided that for this story to be even remotely possible, the Shippuuden events will have to take place a year later. So Fair Warning, this is an AU.

 **Chapter I - Punishment**

Iruka's mind ground to a halt when he heard an ear splitting howl. Mizuki was holding him pinned against a tree, and his feet wouldn't move. The Fuma Shuriken was lodged in his spine, his chuunin west had blocked it a little but couldn't stop the brunt of the damage. He really wanted to wipe Mizuki's sick grin off his stupid face, but it seemed that would be impossible now.

"Sleep now Iruka, I'll meet you in hell."

Iruka's world turned black and his last breath left his lungs.

Mizuki spared his former comrade but a glance and quickly ran off towards the scream. He didn't need to go far to find the blond idiot on the ground writhing in pain. His arm was caught in the bear trap he had set earlier that day. The blond had probably stumbled on his feet or something and fell on it.

It would have been disappointing if he cared about any of the brats in the academy, but he didn't so it wasn't.

"It seems you really are as stupid as I thought you were. Don't know how you managed to steal the scroll. You know, I thought you'd just cause some ruckus. Enough for me to slip past the guards. But then you actually managed it! Magnificent!" Mizuki sneered and pulled Naruto by the hair to get him on his eye level. The blond's eyes were unfocused, dim.

"So I thought that I'd get the scroll after all. Thank you a lot, Kyuubi!" The man snarled in glee

Naruto could feel his fingers burning even though the trap caught his left arm below his shoulder. He could see the muscle barely keep the arm to the stump and his blood stopped spewing like a faucet, instead it was just trickling now.

Mizuki was taunting him he could tell, but he couldn't do anything about it. The Shadow Clone technique needed two arms to execute and he had no option but to lay there as the traitor spewed his hateful prattle. He wanted to cuss at the man, soak his fist into those stupid teeth and pull the tongue out.

Before losing consciousness he saw Mizuki running away and idly wondered if Iruka-sensei was alright.

* * *

The Hokage's words took some moments to sink in. Naruto was bandaged up like a mummy, and he kept staring at his stump— where his left arm should be. He could still feel his fingers, and often thought that he could lift his arm and they would be there. He also expected the Old Man to just spring a smile at him and tell him it was all a prank.

The ringing wouldn't leave his ears, his heart pounded in his stomach and everything was spinning. Why did Iruka have _to…_ "to die?"

"What did you say Naruto?" Hiruzen asked. His heart broke a little as he stared at the child.

"Why aren't you punishing me? Shouldn't I be executed for stealing and getting a Shinobi killed!?" He screeched and the man's lips pursed in a thin line.

The wizened Hokage sat on the bed next to him. "You misunderstand Naruto–"

"What do you–"

"You think that you won't be punished," the man sighed and scratched his head. "You lost an arm, caused the death of a Konoha Shinobi, and worst of all leaked a scroll that contains a century of classified information to a traitor of Konoha. I cannot tell you that I understand your sorrow. Such is life in the world we live in. All I can do now is give you chance to redeem yourself."

"Re-redeem myself? How. How would I even begin to set things right? I can't. Never will be able to."

Hiruzen's face turned grim. These were words he didn't want to speak, to person he never wanted to hurt. "Iruka believed in you. In your dream to become Hokage. Normally, I would put you in jail and strip your right to become a shinobi. As Konoha's Jinchuuriki however, you are much too valuable to the village to just rot in a cell. Don't delude yourself however that, that's the reason I am doing what I'm about to do. In honor of Iruka's valiant sacrifice I will allow you to repeat the last year in the Academy. If you manage to finish with satisfactory grades I will allow you to also become a Konoha Shinobi."

He could read the emotions in Naruto's posture and expressions. A day ago, the boy would protest and throw a ruckus. Maybe, if he was lucky, Hiruzen would one day see those smiles and energy again. But he couldn't let the boy leave unscathed, not for something so important. Danzo would no doubt preach for hours in his office, that this was nothing but a slap on the wrist.

Hiruzen knew that. He understood what he was doing, but maybe it was for the better. Naruto's eyes changed, as if a spark of fire returned from its snuffed out candle. "Gramps, I swear I'll finish top of the class." The boy whispered and Hiruzen patted his hair.

His " _I know you will."_ went unspoken.

The exact circumstances of Iruka's death were covered up. The scroll was never stolen, and a copy had been made and stored where the original used to be. Naruto's exam was deemed to be true. Iruka had discussed the plan with the Hokage and procured a fake scroll that Naruto was supposed to steal. Mizuki, thought that it was the original and so stole it. _Or so they said._

 _Iruka's funeral was a small one. A few friends came and left some flowers, his name was etched on a monument, and soon life returned to normal._

* * *

The coming weeks found Naruto in the Library.

He was still not cleared for training, and staying home was the last thing he wanted to do. Iruka's face would appear in his dreams. He'd plunge his kunai into Iruka's chest, and the man would look at him, a soft smile on his lips. He'd mouth some words that Naruto couldn't hear. Naruto would then jolt from his bed and puke in his toilet. Constantly he would try to wash his hand, but the 'blood' would always be there no matter how long it soaked.

Life also became a bit impractical. He now had to deal with his impediment. Ramen cups had to be put down before he opened them; using his left pockets was a no go; showering was a nightmare, his stump making him ache.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" the assistant found him staring off in front of an aisle filled with Ninjutsu theory. The boy bristled a little at being caught off guard.

"I, uhm. I'm looking for theory on one handed seals." He smiled and scratched his head.

The assistant– Yui – looked a bit taken aback. "Why would you nee… Oh! I'm sorry." She blushed when he waved his stump, the sleeve hanging empty. "I'm sure I can find something, wait a moment." The girl didn't look much older than him, but seemed to know a lot of things.

The Hokage had offered to find a prosthetic that could atleast make life a bit easier, but the child refused. The stump would be a reminder of his blunder. Every time he was about to nod off due to lack of focus, he'd just give it a look, and his goal would appear in his mind's eye.

"Here I found it. " Yui's excited voice rang behind him. "It's the Nidaime's Chakra Naturalis Principia. As a student you aren't cleared for the entire book, but I made you a copy on the hand seals. Seems tough work, but I'm sure you'll manage."

Naruto took the pages in his palm and looked at the girl, "How do you know that? I was dead last and failed the year. "

A soft smile played on Yui's lips. "So you give up?"

"What? No, absolutely not."

"Then I'm sure you'll manage."

It took him some moments to realize that the girl had left. He was still in the aisle, papers stacked in his palm.

The words didn't make much sense. He had a vocabulary next to him, and some of them didn't even appear in it. Complicated graphs and anatomy sketches that showed the entire Chakra Network. Tenketsu neatly marked with tiny side notes about their functionality and tolerance. Nerve connections and Yin influence to muscles that transported moulding commands to the central Chakra node in the the middle of the brain.

The gist as Naruto understood it, was in the fact that hand seals moulded chakra in patterns that made sense. 'Sense' to whom or what Naruto couldn't tell. But Chakra plus hand seals equaled Ninjutsu. The whole thing was a cryptic piece of bullshit. There was no clear indication at what each hand seal did, and their formation depended heavily on various things, such as: Chakra amount, Nature, and output point.

Ninjutsu expelled from the mouth for example would need to end with a Tiger seal (mostly for fire Ninjutsu), Horse, or Rat seal. These three seals at the end would focus the formed technique into or near the throat Tenketsu. Then there were other seals such as the Ram seal that just made it easier to concentrate Chakra and move it to a specific point. Due to this, the Ram seal could either be omitted entirely (provided sufficient Chakra control), or if the technique required little Chakra, the Ram seal could replace the Hand Seal Sequence if the user was experienced enough to know how the Chakra behaved during the technique.

Naruto left the most important part for last. With obvious trepidation he eyed the chapter's title ( _One Handed Seal Sequences - An Introduction_ ).

 _Chakra flows in packets. These tiny packets contain Yin-Yang energy that is unbalanced and this state defines which Nature the user's Chakra aligns to. [Sarutobi Sosuke, Chakra Natures - Ch. 2 et. al]. These packets form strings which vary at length..._

 _...Hand Seals seem to form string groups and bend them in various shapes that depend on the user's mind. The Yin energy carries the information that specifies the shape, while the Yang energy fills the shape to its intended proportions…_

Naruto's mind would convulse if it could. Hours upon hours of meticulous study left him exhausted by the time he arrived home. It was the first time in his life that he felt so productive. Even though he didn't find any information on one Hand Seals beyond how they worked. He resolved to finally go and talk to the Hokage, even though he avoided the man as much as he could.

* * *

The secretary scowled when she saw him. Although not a ninja, she probably felt bad for being bypassed by an academy student. Naruto threw her a subdued smile as he passed her by. The door creaked as he opened it, and the familiar scent of tobacco and ink hit his nose.

Naruto stood in front of the desk, unlike usual where he'd run up to the man and grab his hat.

"Ah, Naruto-kun. How can I help you?" He smiled at the boy, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I spent the last few weeks in the Library,"

"Oh? Something particular you seek?"

"I- I am looking for information on one handed seals. I know you are busy, and I'm sorry if I'm bothering, but I'm just… I— I didn't - or I don't - know who to ask, and… and I'm trying to. Or I mean, I was hoping that you.. ehm..,"

"Calm down Naruto. Which book did you read?" The Old Man smiled this time, really, earnestly smiled and Naruto was immediately at ease.

"I read the Nidaime's Chakra Principia. It had some theory on One Handed seals, but nothing concrete." Naruto explained.

"There's a good reason for that. One handed seals are not a thing Naruto–"

"What? But I thought—"

"Let me rephrase. One handed seals are unique to each person, and require a lot of experience to pull off. Even something as simple as the Ram Seal needs effort and talent to replicate."

"Then how, no, where do I begin?"

The Hokage wistfully blew the smoke he was holding. Naruto fiddled with the hem of his jacket as he waited for a reply.

"Did the hospital clear you for training?"

"Yesterday."

"I see. Then come to training ground two, tomorrow at five in the morning. I'll give you some tips."

Hiruzen was sure that he caught some tears in the blond's eyes. The boy bowed, deeper than most would. "Thank you, Hokage-sama, I'll be there. I promise."

Just like that the boy was running and the old man felt his brittle bones bristle.

* * *

Hiruzen enjoyed snow. It didn't snow often in Konoha, and the white scenery was a nice contrast to the usual green forestry. The streets were neatly cleared and stacks of snow were placed at the sides. He could have shunshined from his house but the scenic route gave him time to think. It was nice for a change, to walk instead of sit at his office.

The sun had yet not dawned and most of the civilians were still asleep. Underneath a fading moon he found the boy shivering in front of the Heroes' monument. "Good morning Naruto-kun."

The boy didn't respond for some moments, his eyes plastered on Iruka's name. "Am I— Am I allowed to still call you Gramps?"

Hiruzen pondered for a brief few seconds. "Making a honest mistake, no matter how big, would never make me stop seeing you as my grandson Naruto. I admit, that I am angry with you. Will be angry with you for a long time to come. Everybody makes mistakes and everybody deserves a second chance."

"Even Mizuki?"

"You might not know this Naruto, but Mizuki already had his second chance."

"I see. Wouldn't that then prove that he should never have been given it?" Hiruzen could recognize the subtle anger underneath the soft words.

"As I said. Everybody makes mistakes, and your mistake isn't the biggest one to be made. But this what Shinobi do. We persevere, and those who persevere will always be guided by the Will of Fire."

Naruto turned to look at him. His eyes wide as if a profound truth had been spoken, and for the first time in weeks Naruto's lips twitched upwards. "You won't regret this Gramps."

Hiruzen chuckled, "I know."

"Now come, it's is time I explained some things to you, I have to be at the office in half an hour so we should hurry."

"Sure thing!"

It was noon by the time Naruto finished his training. The Hokage had been gone for a long while now and Naruto was left to run up trees. Normally he would have used the Ram seal to focus Chakra at his feet, but now he was left forcing his Chakra to obey.

Naruto wondered whether he'd be able to pass the ninjutsu exam by the end of next year. November was coming to an end, and he would soon start going to the Academy again. The pessimism was forcibly choked and squashed, while Naruto muttered 'focus' like a mantra. When the sun set, he had made but a few meters, a bunch of slashes across the bark. He didn't let himself be frustrated, the progress was good— or at least as good it could be.

"You should head home, boy."

Naruto stood up and looked at the intruder. It was a ninja, he had one of his eyes covered and stupid gray hair, "Who are you?"

"Mah, calm down. I'm Kakashi, this is my training ground."

Naruto scowled, "This training ground is big enough to fit a small village, I'm sure a kid climbing a tree won't bother much." He fell on his ass when Kakashi appeared in front of him, crouched so that they were at an eye level.

The man's eye was crinkled and resembled a smile (he had no clue how that was possible). "It's not an issue of space, kid. I am practicing some techniques that aren't for _civilian_ eyes."

Naruto rushed to his feet, "Shut up, I'll be a Shinobi by the end of next year! The Hokage allowed me to be here today!"

"Well then you can fight me for it, if you win you can keep the training ground for as long as you want."

"Bring it. I won't lose to some stupid, overgrown bully!" He screeched. The Shinobi threw him a Kunai to use.

"You have too much confidence for a crippled kid." Kakashi chided himself for being too harsh. But an alive Fourth's legacy was better than a dead one, he reasoned.

The kid glared daggers at him, only getting more fired up to kick his ass. Still, in the end it wouldn't matter if the kid had six arms.

Naruto run up to him, screaming murder. Kakashi dodged the first punch, and lightly kicked Naruto's left side which was unprotected. "Lesson number one, enemies will use all of your weaknesses against you."

The kid paused and settled himself in a somewhat defensive position, his stump away from him. Kakashi knew of course, that Naruto wasn't tall enough to get in his guard. Naruto was short even for a gennin, and so would never have the reach necessary to fight equally in hand-to-hand combat.

This time silently, the kid rushed him, his eyes focused on Kakashi's legs. Kakashi indulged the kid for a while, softly pushing him down every now and then, feeling comfortable enough to just dodge and throw some scathing advice every time it was appropriate.

 _(Kick more, use your Kunai, don't turn your left side towards me.)_ he would chide.

After five minutes Naruto was panting, his breaths were deep and rugged. He ran up to him, throwing a fist which was promptly blocked. In return, Naruto turned his stump towards him, Kakashi scowled at his precious advice being ignored and viciously kicked at the boy.

His eye widened however when Naruto crouched and swept his leg, forcing him to jump just a little. It was all for naught however because as soon as he was airborne the kid grinned and a Kunai was thrown at his head. To Kakashi's eternal shame, he was forced to kawarimi.

"Ugh! Ninjutsu is unfair!" Kakashi appeared behind a tree, his expressionless face leaving nothing for Naruto to see. With a slow gait he started making his leave. "Hey, where are you going? This isn't over."

"You won the moment you forced me to use Ninjutsu. There is some hope for you yet."

Naruto bristled at his words but smiled when he realized what was said, "You can still train here, I'm just learning tree walking."

"Maybe some other day. Also kid?"

"Yeah?"

"Consider using a sword, you'll never excel in hand-to-hand combat."

Naruto kept mulling the suggestion for weeks.

* * *

Naruto never noticed how quickly time would pass when busy. Hours turned into days, then to weeks, and before he knew it the academy was starting again. He had failed the exams three times now, but none of those were that important. The last two were taken early, in an effort to prove himself better than the rest. So when he returned, he wouldn't feel all that bad, because he would still be in the same class with the same kids.

This year would be different. There would be new faces in the class, and he'd have to accept their ridicule. He didn't want to rush to school that day. The academy was there as always, and kids arrived with their parents in tow. Lunch boxes would be given, words of encouragement exchanged.

Naruto wondered how that felt. Having someone who would love you for just existing. Waking up with people you had nothing to prove to. _Iruka._ He liked to think that Iruka somewhat loved him. The nights of endless ramen, where Iruka would smile or glare at him for overeating. He never had to prove anything to Iruka.

Kids gave him a wide berth as he passed through the halls, his homeroom would be in a different class now. As quietly as he could Naruto passed into the classroom. It was almost empty, some students he didn't know were already there talking amongst each other.

They looked at him briefly and went back to their chatter. Naruto opened one of the books he borrowed from the library and kept sitting there. By the time the teacher walked in, a burly man called Kazuki, the class was set in silence. He could see some of them throwing glances at him, but no one would talk to him, so he ignored them.

"Welcome for another year kids. This will probably be your last year, unless you are like Mr. Uzumaki over there," he pointed at him. "We will start today with some physical evaluations, then we'll do a written exam."

Some kids sniggered at him, silent whispers going around the room. Naruto didn't pay them any mind, and just kept reading.

 _Bloodlines are a fascinating topic. We have no clue how they begun to form, although some suggest genetics. Genetics cannot explain however, how for example the Kaguya Dead Bone Pulse came to be, or Dojutsu like the Sharingan and Byakugan._

 _Natural selection would deem them impossible, since there is no common ancestry between the Hyuuga and Uchiha, and a mutation like the Dead Bone Pulse is too large to just be a coincidence._

 _Others suggest a more cryptic theory, such as the sage of Six Paths…_

"Uzumaki, we are doing physicals now. You can read later." The man intoned, and Naruto noticed that he was the last one sitting.

"Sorry Sensei. I'm coming."

The man threw him a weird look, "Iruka always spoke of you," Kazuki noticed how Naruto tensed. "he always said how proud he was of you. What Mizuki did was rough, but I'm sure Iruka wasn't just blowing hot air when he talked about you. So do him proud, yeah?"

Naruto clutched his shirt underneath the desk, "I will sir, it's a promise of a lifetime."

Kazuki nodded and left the room.

Time passed quickly after that. To everyone's amazement Naruto was doing better than expected. He filled his days with Library, homework, and trained as often as he could. It took him an entire trimester to walk on a tree, but he had managed it.

In the meantime, stories of the various rookies started spreading. About how the last Uchiha defeated the apprentice of one of the Seven-Swordsmen-of-Mist, who apparently had some freaky bloodline. Or the new Ino-Shika-Cho team who saved the Daimyo.

It stung, if only a little. His behavior back then made everyone dislike him, he noticed. His current class was much more jovial, instead of scorn and petty remarks, he had a good relationship with most. All he had to do was keep his mouth shut apparently and people would flock to him. Sometimes for help with assignments, or requests for spars.

Kazuki was no nonsense and would kick someone out of the class for being out of order. Naruto respected him however. To him, Kazuki was an attempt to make it up to Iruka, if only a little. Sometimes he would chide himself, about how he made Iruka's life more difficult. Maybe if he had been as good as now, Iruka would still be alive. And he could be coming back from a mission — saving a princess — and recounting the stories to Iruka while eating warm ramen. Naruto always squashed these thoughts like bugs. They were just delusions, no matter how much he cried, or how long he hoped, Iruka would never come back.

It was already February when Naruto met Kakashi on the training ground. In front of him sat three kids, two of which Naruto recognized quite well. Sakura audibly gasped when she saw him, his stump (usually covered by a Kimono styled shirt) was on full display since he was coming to train anyway.

"What happened, loser? Fell on your own Kunai or something?"

Naruto smiled, to their confusion, "I see you're still a bastard Sasuke."

"Mah, kids. Break it off, no need to haggle civilians."

"Kakashi, can I talk to you?"

"We are training, dickless." Naruto stared at the unknown Genin for a second, "who's the asshole?"

Sakura lifted her arms in surrender and Sasuke actually sniggered at the insult. "That's Sai, he's… He's something alright." Kakashi remarked. "We are in the middle of something Naruto. Come by later and we can chat."

Naruto nodded and turned around to leave. "What happened to your arm, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Oh, this?" he asked and waved the stump. "I just fell on my Kunai, and then down some stairs. Somewhere along the way I was missing an arm." They ogled him as he left the clearing.

Naruto was at home studying Chakra theory when Kakashi appeared on his window. "I thought you'd come by." Naruto wondered if the man was pouting.

"Sorry Kakashi, I just lost myself again. This is interesting stuff," he said as he picked the book up and waved it in front of the Jounin's face.

"I'm sure it is. What did you want to talk about?"

"I was hoping to ask you, how one would go about starting with swords. I could find no material in the Library, and the academy won't teach anything beyond Kunai and Shuriken."

Kakashi had a feeling of deja vu as he eyed the child spinning on his chair. Stacks of papers on the table, hand filled with ink and empty ramen cups stacked neatly in the bin. (" _Long time no see Kakashi! Want to go eat something?)_ he shook his head to clear the memory.

"Well, there are various Shinobi around the village who use swords, I'm sure you could track one down and follow them until the give up and teach you."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "I'm sure, who wouldn't want the Kyuubi cripple as an apprentice."

"Come on, that isn't fair."

"Define fair. I'm not angry at them, you know? I've read about jinchuuriki, and deep down I understand that they would—should— be afraid. Still, it gets hard sometimes, sorry if I insulted you somehow."

"My teacher was the Fourth Hokage. In some ways you are his Legacy, and I'm sure he picked you for a reason. So have some trust in him, as he trusted you."

"Mhm, I do, and I will. I want to be Hokage after all," he grinned.

Naruto barely caught a scabbard. He let if fall on the ground and pulled the sword it contained in one swift move. "This isn't a Katana," he pouted.

"It's called a Jian. It is double-edged and short enough. So you won't have to change swords every time you grow a couple inches." Kakashi grinned, "The chuunin exams are starting in two months. I won't have a lot of time, so play around with it for a while. I'll see if I can pull some favors."

Naruto sheathed the sword and held it up so that Kakashi could take it, "I can't pay for that."

The Jounin pushed it back, "once you start missions, you can start paying."

Naruto tried to object, but by the time he blinked his window was empty and only his curtains swayed back and forth.

* * *

Naruto had barely touched the sword by the time May came around. The village was buzzing with life as the preparations for the chuunin exams started coming around. Merchants from all across the nations came and festivals were set across town.

Sasuke and another Genin called Neji ( _a Hyuuga)_ had made it to the finals, Naruto didn't bother to remember the rest. Not like he could afford the tickets anyway. Some monitors were set outside the stadium.

In four weeks he would see how far Sasuke had come. It would help him set a goal for the next six months as he headed towards graduation. Naruto was top of his class now, it wasn't easy, at least not as easy as it was probably for Sasuke. However he could now understand, if only barely, why Sasuke managed to be so motivated.

The desire to grow and excel probably came easy to people who had a goal. His desire to be Hokage was such a distant dream, so far away in the future, that Naruto never felt the urgency to apply himself. Now he saw that it was childish to think so. Life was a fleeting glimpse, and its fire could be snuffed out in a second. The day Iruka died, Naruto woke up thinking he was the hottest shit to ever grace the earth.

The stump of his left arm proved him otherwise.

The academy was out for the month, so Naruto had ample time to experiment with the sword. One handed seals were still going underway, but he managed to form some for simple ninjutsu like the clone and replacement techniques.

I might sound counterintuitive, but Naruto learned that One Handed Seals actually required two hands. It wasn't easy to extrapolate the fact after reading a dozen of books on the topic. Normally both hands function as instructions to the Chakra network. One palm keeps the previous instruction and connects it to the next. Which is why even when weaved with one palm, the Network needed that coupling / decoupling function. The trick was that ( _theoretically_ ) with enough chakra control, one could keep that function without doing any seals.

This proved to be an obstacle to the boy's plans. However the Hokage had granted him an exemption from the Ninjutsu portion of the graduation exams, even though Naruto tried to convince him otherwise. His sword kept hitting the dummy. Naruto could clearly tell that his technique was rough and unrefined.

"You shouldn't swing from the right side so much. You are leaving your left unguarded." Naruto jolted from his mindless swinging and looked at the newcomer. He looked pale and sickly, his eyes were a bit dark underneath, showing lack of sleep. He couldn't get an answer in before the man start wheezing for breath between coughs.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, my name I Gekko Hayate. Kakashi-senpai cashed in a favor, so I'll be tutoring you until the exams start."

Naruto bowed his head in acknowledgement. "What do I need to do."

Naruto didn't like the crooked smile, "It's easy really. All you have to do is kill me."

-Fin


End file.
